Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
