I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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