if only i could text you this smell
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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