Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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