We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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