I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
