I will die if light touches me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
