i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
