bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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