I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
