i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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