dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
