i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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