No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
