I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize