i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
