I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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