My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
