The maid of honor just puked.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
