I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
