new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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