Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
