I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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