We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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