I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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