I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
