All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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