you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
