oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
