believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
