I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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