I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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