Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
