You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
