Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
