You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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