Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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