Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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