I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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