Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
