I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
