oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
