Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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