so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
