Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
