you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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