I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
