We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
