Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
