Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
