It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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