Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
