There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
