Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You ruined the universe
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
