Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
