Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize