yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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