Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
