So many bounce houses so little time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
