Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
