Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
