i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
