It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize